


Invisible Barriers

by hidrocity



Category: Sonic the Hedgehog (Video Games)
Genre: Based on the semi-hero ending in ShtH, Dissociation, Family, Friendship, Gen, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Intrusive Thoughts, Mighty is mentioned but he's not a character, sibling dynamics
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-07
Updated: 2019-08-30
Packaged: 2020-06-23 21:56:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,317
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19710220
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hidrocity/pseuds/hidrocity
Summary: (On Hiatus)Vector is known for taking regrettable decisions and biting more than he can chew. Or, Shadow moves in with Team Chaotix.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> i think this is my first time writing something genuine..... i never learned how to read english. i'm so sorry
> 
> i've been playing a lot of shadow the hedgehog and i couldn't rest until i got this out of my system. i'm just pulling chapters out of thin air so you should lower your expectations

"Boys, we're back!" Vector announced as he slammed the door open, making the entire house tremble. The intermission startled Espio, who was peacefully meditating in one of the corners of the room. Charmy read some magazines while sitting on the big couch, completely unfazed.

The alien invasion was over and everything had gone back to how it used to be, kind of. Their last case ended abruptly after their client contacted them to let them know their services 'weren't needed anymore', and since there was nothing they could do, the detectives dropped the investigation. Espio and Charmy just waited patiently for their boss to return from his mission to gather information in the ARK.

They were already used to how noisy the crocodile could be, so they paid no mind to his dramatic entrance. But what really caught their attention was the fact that Vector wasn't alone, he was accompanied by someone familiar. 

Vector held the door open for them, but the person just waited outside, not knowing what to do. He looked disoriented.

"Shadow will be staying here for... a few days," he said with a pause, as he looked at his teammates, "so let's make him feel like home, shall we?"

Espio raised an eyebrow. What did he mean by that? He didn't dislike Shadow or anything like that, but that was a very sudden decision. He should have expected Vector to do something like that, but he wasn't sure how to feel about it. He could have asked him and Charmy first. On the other hand, the bee couldn't be more excited to find out the coolest person he knew was going to move in with them. He started to buzz and fly in circles around their guest. 

The hedgehog gave a few steps forward and started to look around. He had never been there before, but something about that place made him feel... something. Vector smiled with satisfaction and rested his hand on Shadow's shoulder: he felt his body become tense but didn't try to pull away.

Espio got up from his meditation spot and decided that saying hello was the most polite thing to do. Even if he didn't know what was going on, he was sure he would figure it out eventually. "Shadow. Nice to see you again."

The hedgehog just nodded in acknowledgement, which motivated Espio to do the same so he could ignore the awkwardness building up. 

"This is going to be so fun! We can have a sleepover!" Charmy continued to celebrate with even more enthusiasm, but Vector interrupted him. "Let's give him some space. He must be tired." 

Charmy crossed his arms and pouted. "Aww... but he just got here!" 

Shadow didn't react. He just kept staring at the same spot in the ground, his face not showing any particular emotion. While that wasn't something unusual for him to do, Vector knew something was off: after all, he was a professional detective and master of deduction. And his deduction skills were telling him that Shadow was still very much affected by what happened back in the ARK.

"I am Shadow the Hedgehog. Result of a research experiment… gone deadly wrong. I've caused so much destruction… I should never have been created. This is who I am."

Vector felt some kind of pain he couldn't explain when he remembered that moment, as if it awoke something within him. He felt useless, not knowing what to say to make the young hedgehog feel at least a little less bad. Which was curious, because they weren't particularly close. He had talked to Shadow once or maybe twice in the past. But after seeing him in such a state, he knew he had to take action.

"So… Charmy, why don't you go and show him the guests room?" Vector asked as he rubbed the back of his neck, hoping to lighten the mood. Charmy's disappointed expression changed immediately into a wide smile, and rushed to grab Shadow by the arm so he could lead him there. "Okay!"

Espio watched as Charmy left the room with Shadow, who didn't oppose the idea judging by his lack of reaction. He still had some questions he was expecting Vector to answer, and gave him an accusing look to let him know. The crocodile just let himself fall on the couch like a ragdoll, already preparing for what was about to follow. He had a pounding headache after all the things he had gone through that day, and the last thing he needed was being bombarded with questions from Espio.

He stood in front of him with his arms crossed, and continued to look at him with skeptic eyes. "Do you mind telling me what's going on?" 

"Oh… well," Vector began to racket his brain to come up with a coherent answer. Espio was very observant and details never escaped him; he could see right through him, so lying wasn't an option.

"Did he lose his memory again?" 

"No, it's not that…" Vector mumbled, avoiding the chameleon's gaze as much as he could. Espio was starting to lose his patience, if he had any to begin with. 

"Then what is it?" he asked again, now in a much more accusing tone. 

Vector took a deep breath. "He was sad, okay?! That's why I brought him here!" 

There were a few seconds of silence after that revelation. Espio tried to gather his thoughts, starting to wonder if he was understanding correctly what Vector was telling him. "Shadow… was sad?" 

The crocodile let out a sight. "I… found him in the ARK, and we fought against the leader of the aliens, and Shadow said some really messed up stuff and…" 

Vector realized Espio had rested his hand on top of his, and was now looking at him with a more relaxed expression. "Let's calm down first." he said reassuringly. 

A smile started to appear on Vector's face. He felt like pulling Espio into a big hug, but decided not to, knowing that he wouldn't appreciate it too much. Taking a deep breath, he decided to continue. "I asked him if he had somewhere to go, and he said no. I couldn't just leave him there, you know?" 

"I get it." Espio was convinced that Shadow was a part of one of Vector's many money-making schemes, but knowing that his suspicions were wrong made him feel glad in a way. Vector was just trying to do the right thing.

"Sorry for not telling you about this beforehand. I understand Shadow is not…"

"It's alright." Espio clarified. Shadow had proven himself to be a reliable ally and decent company, so he wouldn't have a problem with getting used to his presence in the house. Besides, Charmy was happy to have him around. 

Vector was surprised at first, but a smile slowly made its way into his face, and then turned into a grin. "Heh. I knew I could count on you!" 

Espio smiled in return. Somehow, he could actually see things working out, even though there was something telling him that he would be proved wrong later.


	2. Chapter 2

"This will be your room from now on!" Charmy said enthusiastically as he opened the door for Shadow. The first thing he noticed was that it was a very small place, filled with boxes piled up on top of eachother. If you looked carefully you could see a bed in one of the corners, and some spiderwebs. It was easy to tell that the room hadn't been occupied by someone in a very long time.

Suddenly, something caught Charmy's attention. He let out a loud gasp and flew next to one of the small boxes, then opened it. "Hey, this is where I hide my snacks!" 

He proceeded to take a bag of chips from inside. "Vector doesn't know, so don't tell!"

Shadow nodded solemnly. Then his attention shifted to what seemed to be a framed picture placed on top of one of the boxes in the back of the room, and got closer to examine it further. It was taken in front of the agency and Charmy, Vector, Espio and someone he didn't know were smiling, looking at the camera. It looked like it was at least one year old and it was slightly covered in dust. For some reason, it made his chest feel tight. They looked very happy.

"We've been looking for that all over the place! Espio will love to see it." Charmy exclaimed as he approached Shadow from behind, surprising him. He couldn't help but feel like he was looking at something he wasn't supposed to.

Charmy carefully took the photo and flew back to the living room so he could show his discovery to his teammates. "Heeey! Look what I found!" he could be heard saying, his voice muffled by the walls of the room.

Finding himself alone, Shadow started to think.

What was he doing there? Everything was like a blur, it was confusing and distant. The last thing he remembered clearly was his encounter with Black Doom, but even that left a feeling of emptiness inside him. It was like he watched his life go on without him in front of his eyes. 

Why would Team Chaotix take him in out of the blue? Was it because he helped them? Did they had any ulterior motives? All of those questions made his head hurt. He briefly considered going back to Rouge's apartment, he had stayed there once, but… he didn't care about what would happen to him from now on. Besides, he wouldn't know what to say to her. He wasn't the person she thought she knew, so maybe it was for the best to stay away from her. Hurting even more people was the last thing he wanted to do.

"I'm back! I asked Vector to help us take out these boxes." Charmy barged in, pulling Shadow out of his thoughts. He was holding two juice boxes, one in each hand, and gave Shadow one of them. The box had an illustration of an orange with a face, smiling and wearing sunglasses. "For you!" 

The hedgehog just held it, not knowing what to do with it; he wasn't feeling particularly thirsty. Not even a second later, Vector and Espio entered the room, making the small space feel like it was even smaller. 

"Well… time to take these out!" Vector announced as he lifted three big boxes like it was nothing. Charmy imitated him with ease, but Espio decided to settle with just one at a time. 

As the three of them started to move the boxes from the room to the hallway, Shadow decided to help so he wouldn't stand there doing nothing. He actually didn't mind having the boxes laying around, but he never bothered to tell Charmy or anyone else about it. He felt like a stranger between them, and had no right to demand anything from them.

Teamwork made everything easier, so they finished as soon as they started. Charmy gave everyone a high five for their good work even though it was such an easy task, at least in Shadow's eyes.

Later that night, Vector decided to order a pizza so Espio wouldn't have to cook. Or that was what he said, because in reality, he was just tired of eating cold food from the day before. Charmy wanted pizza too, so it was unanimous: two votes against one. 

As Vector listed over the phone all the toppings he wanted the pizza to have, Charmy buzzed next to his ear so he could ask for a soda. Not paying attention to them, Espio was sitting on the couch with his legs crossed and eyes closed, wondering how they would pay for the pizza since they never got paid for their last case. Unless Vector wanted to borrow Charmy's piggy bank again.

Shadow went to take a shower, something Vector had suggested so he could 'take his mind off things'. What Vector didn't know was that it caused the exact opposite effect, but at least the warm water made him feel a little less tense.

Then all those memories he believed he had forgotten started to flood his mind once again. Images of Black Doom and the G.U.N. commander quickly flashed before his eyes everytime he closed them, and now it was genuinely starting to scare him. His body was shaking; he could feel so many things at once yet nothing at all at the same time. All he ever wanted was to go home.

But Shadow knew there was nowhere to call home, at least not anymore. He destroyed the only family he ever had, and if it wasn't for him, maybe they would still be alive. Tears were starting to form in his eyes, but he closed them shut and resisted the urge to cry. 

The water was starting to get cold and being left alone with his thoughts was getting bothersome, so he stepped out of the shower and just threw a towel over his head. He went directly to his room without saying a word to anyone, then closed the door.

He had gone to bed already when he heard someone knocking, and then the sound of the person on the other side opening the door. A streak of light slightly illuminated the room. For some reason, Shadow's first instinct was pretending to be asleep.

He could tell it was Vector because of his footsteps. "Hey...Shadow? There's pizza in the kitchen, just in case you're hungry..."

Even though there was no response from the hedgehog and he wasn't sure if he could hear him, he continued talking. "If you need anything… you can wake me up, alright? I won't get mad."

Vector closed the door, and once again, Shadow was left in the dark.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry it took me so long to update x_x  
> school and mental illness weren't making things easier for me

Charmy took a big bite of his pizza slice. "Where's Shadow? I thought he would be here with us for dinner!"

"I'm not sure if you can call this dinner." Espio added, rolling his eyes. He wasn't a big fan of pizza, but he stayed with the others during dinner out of politeness.   
"And maybe he went to bed early."

Charmy frowned. At this rate, his plans of hanging out with Shadow were ruined. It was like the hedgehog was trying to avoid them whenever he could… what was so great about being alone anyway? 

Espio noticed his sudden change of mood, and even though he wanted to say something encouraging, he had always been bad at telling people what they wanted to hear. "I know how you feel. But we should respect his desire for solitude."

With his head low, Charmy took another slice of pizza from the box, hoping a full stomach would make him feel better. He knew Shadow needed space, and he was okay with that, but a part of him really wanted to see Shadow opening up to them. Just like Espio did when they first became friends!

When Vector returned, he was… uncharacteristically serious. He sat down on the couch next to Charmy like he usually did. 

Espio had an idea of what was worrying him; the same thing that was worrying them. But he remained quiet about it, he figured dropping the subject would be the best thing to do.

None of them said a word after Vector showed up. Espio appreciated the moments of peace and quiet, but it felt different this time. It was a cold, harsh silence. It didn't help that he couldn't think of something to say so he could put an end to the uncomfortable atmosphere.

Charmy was the first one to go to bed, followed by Espio and then Vector, who stayed awake for a little longer reading the comic strips from the newspaper and drinking a cup of coffee in case a certain hedgehog had trouble falling asleep. 

\---

Shadow was awake. Everything was cold, his vision was blurry, and he couldn't tell what time it was since his room was submerged in darkness. He assumed it was morning already, or at least he hoped it was. He stayed in bed for a while, awake but with his eyes closed, before finally getting up. 

He met Espio in the hallway. They exchanged looks for a few seconds, but neither of them said anything.

The chameleon realized Shadow had gone back to his room, and stood in front of the door in a moment of hesitation. If he was going to wait for him to come out, that would take a while. 

Espio felt… respect for Shadow, he could even call it admiration. He wouldn't admit it to himself, but just like Charmy, he also looked forward to interacting with him more. But invading his personal space and forcing him to be around them wasn't the way, he knew this from his personal experience. A more subtle approach was needed.

Today, he had to focus on lunch. There were some things to be considered, like their financial situation or the refined tastes of Charmy and Vector, who were apparently allergic to healthy food. 

Vector, who was preparing himself breakfast, noticed Espio lurking around the kitchen, presumably looking for their shopping bag. He was still wearing his nightgown and bunny slippers.

"Are you… going out?" he asked, interrupted by a yawn, still half asleep. Vector wasn't a morning person, but he looked very tired, even more so than usual. "I forgot to tell you, we ran out of milk."

Espio rolled his eyes. The carton was full two days ago! What did they do that could require so much milk? It was probably Charmy with his cereal.

After adding 'milk' to his mental list of groceries, Espio was ready to head out. He was about to grab the doorknob of the main door, but was interrupted by Charmy, who was flying towards him and waving his arms frantically. 

"Wait! Can I go with you?"

Espio frowned. "What for? It'll be much quicker if I go by myself."

Then Vector entered the room, causing Espio and Charmy to turn their heads to look at him. "Charmy, you have my permission to go." he said as he waved his hand dismissively. 

"Yes!" Charmy exclaimed triumphantly, while Espio rubbed his temples in frustration. He could imagine the bee asking for candy nonstop, even though  
he explained they would only buy what's on the list, but Charmy would keep insisting, and-

"Actually, why don't you take Shadow with you too?" Vector added casually.

Espio and Charmy looked at eachother with uncertain looks on their faces. Even though that was a good idea, Shadow probably preferred to do… whatever he was doing then, than going with them to do something as boring as buying groceries.

Vector jumped off his seat. "I'll go get him, you two wait here!"

They did as they were told as the crocodile rushed to the room Shadow was in. As expected, the door was closed, but that didn't stop him. He knocked a few times, then entered uninvited when there was no response.

Their guest was sitting on the bed, apparently just staring at the wall. He didn't look surprised, or showed any other emotion for that matter, when he saw Vector. 

"Shadow! Espio and Charmy are going to buy milk, wanna go with them?" Vector asked, hoping deep down that he would accept. It would be really good for him to go out, breathe some fresh air… he needed that vitamin D. He started to wonder how long had it been since the last time Shadow ate… it made him feel irresponsible. 

Assuming it was an order disguised as a question, Shadow hummed in agreement. He was the one staying at Vector's house, not the other way around, so it seemed reasonable to do what he told him. He walked out the door as Vector looked at him, who was marvelled by his own success. 

Espio and Charmy were more surprised than anything, but had no complaints. The more the merrier, Charmy thought; he finally could finally spend time with Shadow, he would notice how cool he was, and he would ask him to become best friends forever!

"Well, have fun! Watch over those two for me, will ya?" Vector said to Shadow as he rested his hand on top of the hedgehog's head. He said the last part considerably lower than the rest, probably so he wouldn't intimidate him. He was trying to make him feel better via jokes, Espio noticed.

The crocodile entrusted Espio with the agency wallet. When he opened it, a fly came out of it, but at least there were some coins inside. They had to say goodbye to their dream of buying a color TV so they could eat for the day.

"Woo! Let's go!" the bee exclaimed, as if he were the leader of a dangerous expedition. Espio was already used to Charmy making a big deal out of any mundane situation, but he had to wonder if Shadow would be okay with his eccentric attitude.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys, i live
> 
> i read your comments, i really appreciate them!

"Do we have everything we need? Eggs, carrots, milk…" Espio asked to himself out loud, counting every item on the list with his fingers. 

Behind him, Shadow pushed their shopping cart while Charmy was sitting on the seat, happily dangling his legs.

"Chocolate pudding!" the bee added, hoping Espio would believe it. He deserved one after Vector ate the only pudding left the other day, which was reserved for him. 

Espio was already expecting him to say something like that, so he just rolled his eyes. "We've talked about this." 

Charmy huffed. "You're no fun, Espio." 

Not paying attention to the other two, Shadow continued to mindlessly push the cart around like a zombie. Wherever Espio went, he would follow. 

From time to time Charmy would start a conversation with him, but it was more like him rambling about something and Shadow just nodding. He wasn't annoyed by him, just didn't have the energy to put effort into a response.

"Charmy, you're overwhelming him." Espio said, trying to get his partner to stop talking Shadow's ear off. 

"No, I'm not! Right, Shadow?" Charmy retorted, looking at the hedgehog and hoping he would back him up. 

"It's alright." Shadow mumbled, his response barely audible, but more than enough for Charmy. 

When they reached the cash register, Charmy hopped off the cart. Espio muttered a 'good morning', and started to place every item on the counter so the lady on the other side could start the checkout. They frequented that supermarket often and Espio had never seen her before, so he assumed she was new. She was a pink deer, curly hair. Her name tag read 'EMILY' and it was scribbled in red marker. 

When Espio turned around to make sure Charmy was still there and hadn't run off somewhere, he only saw Shadow. The hedgehog must have noticed what Espio was thinking, because he turned his head to the side, as if pointing to the candy section to their right.

"Uh, anything else?" Emily asked nervously as she put the milk carton inside the shopping bag, but realized she was talking to herself. Espio was already walking angrily (not running, because that would be disrespectful) to where Charmy was. The bee had his eyes glued on a big, colorful lollipop on display next to a variety of chocolates.

Ignoring Espio's frown of disapproval, Charmy looked at him with his best wet puppy eyes, which usually worked to convince Vector. "Pleeease? I won't ask for anything ever again!" 

"No means no."

\--- 

The automatic door closed behind the mighty explorers of the supermarket. Shadow, for some reason, insisted on carrying the groceries, even though Espio had told him it wasn't necessary. Charmy followed, flying next to them, with a smile of satisfaction and the lollipop he wanted so badly in one hand. 

He was taking off the plastic wrapper when Espio looked at him from the corner of his eye. "You better finish that before Vector sees it."

It wasn't the first time they had done that, so Charmy already knew what to do. He would eat it in the way home and then throw the evidence in the trash bin they usually walked past on the way home. "Got it!" he responded, making an OK gesture with his hand. 

Espio already regretted his decision, since he would be the one to get in trouble if Vector found out. He could imagine him complaining because he bought one for Charmy, but not for him.

Even though Vector was an adult, he could be just as childish as Charmy at times, and the fact that Espio had to cook was probably the best example of this. At least Charmy knew how to make instant ramen and macaroni and cheese, but Vector was directly banned from the kitchen. Maybe they should teach him to use the microwave.

Charmy was focused on eating his lollipop as fast as he could, so he didn't say a word during their walk. Neither did Shadow, but that was already expected of him. Espio decided to take this opportunity to do something he had been meaning to do since the morning.

"Shadow," he murmured, causing the mentioned to turn his head in his direction. He cleared his throat, then added, "Would you like to eat with us today?" 

Suddenly his chest felt heavy, wondering if asking had been a bad idea. But that weight disappeared almost immediately when Shadow responded with a nod, accompanied by a low hum. Espio was convinced that he was smiling at Shadow, but in reality his expression remained the same: serious. 

When they arrived at the agency, Espio held the door open for Shadow and Charmy. Vector was still lounging around at the couch, eating cereal from the box with his hands, but at least he had changed out of his pyjamas. "Hey, boys! Welcome back!" he greeted.

Espio responded with a not necessarily friendly 'hello', and Charmy waved with his hand. Shadow, however, stood awkwardly in front of the doorway, still firmly holding the shopping bag. 

"Wait, Vector…" Charmy squinted his eyes, noticing something was off. The crocodile looked at him, drops of sweat starting to form on his forehead.

"That's my cereal!" he exclaimed, pointing an accusing finger at the criminal, who had been caught red handed. Nervously, Vector took another handful of cereal and shoved it into his mouth.

"It's mine, gimme!" 

"Come on, share with me for once!"

"You did this with my pudding too!"

"I already said I was sorry!"

Espio just rolled his eyes, not making an effort to stop them. He was already used to these things happening, but now that there was someone else watching (in this case, Shadow) the feeling of secondhand embarrassment tormented him. 

Trying to ignore the bickering of his teammates, Espio pointed at the bag Shadow was holding. "We should take this upstairs." 

With no questions asked, Shadow followed him to the dining room; a place of the house he hadn't been to before. It was nothing fancy, pretty much like every other room. They had a table with a vase in the middle, but he couldn't recognize the flowers in it. There was a window (now closed), and the picture he previously found in his room was now hanging on the wall. Next to it was a door, and Shadow assumed it lead to the kitchen. 

Espio disappeared into the room for a moment, and when he returned, he had a blue apron tied around his waist. 

"Thank you for your help." he said, giving the hedgehog a slight smile. Put on the spot by that, Shadow averted his eyes and left the shopping bag on the table. 

"Do you have any cooking experience? I could use a hand." Espio asked, under his serious tone was a hint of genuine curiosity. 

Shadow… enjoyed baking, being a fan of sweets himself. So he was inclined to say yes, but unless they wanted to have cake for lunch, he wouldn't be of use. He shook his head as a no. 

Espio gave him an understanding look. "That won't be a problem. I can help you."

Shadow was intrigued by this statement. Espio had no reason to keep him around, yet he chose to do so anyway? It would be a waste of effort, if anything. But… he wasn't against it. 

"What do you want me to do?"


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning for a (non graphic) description of violence. it's imaginary though
> 
> to apologize for my absence i have two (2) chapters

Peeling carrots wasn't something Shadow usually did, or something he had done in the past, so he was no expert. It didn't help that he was learning how to use a peeler. 

But no matter what, he was determined to do it properly. A part of him wanted to let Espio know that it hadn't been a mistake to entrust him with the task, and the other half… was frustrated by not being able to do something as easy as that. A person can't be good at things at the first try, but he clearly didn't know this.

Meanwhile, Espio was boiling water; they were going to prepare soup. He came to that decision not before asking Shadow first, who was… indifferent about it. He was, most likely, not going to eat no matter what they served him. He rarely ever felt hungry or the desire to eat at all, but for the past few days, the thought of doing it only managed to make him nauseous.

Not knowing what to do next, Shadow tried to call Espio's attention through the only way he knew how: staring at him for a long time without saying anything, hoping he would casually look in his direction and notice this. And luckily for him, the chameleon was already inspecting his work from the distance. 

"Done already? Very well." 

Shadow knew he didn't really mean that. His inexperienced hands did an awful job; he missed a few spots, and even cut big chunks by accident. It was nowhere near acceptable, but knowing Espio, he was trying to encourage him to do better. 

Hopefully, the next part would be easier. "Can you cut them in pieces now?" he asked as he grabbed a clean knife from the counter, then handed it to Shadow. 

The hedgehog didn't respond. At the sight of the utensil, in the span of a second, an image of him using the knife to stab himself in the stomach appeared in his mind. He saw himself falling to his knees, blood splattering on the white tiles of the kitchen floor. He grimaced at the thought, but didn't show much of a reaction outside of that. 

Even though he wanted to get things over with, Shadow remained still with the knife in hand, staring at nothing in particular and spacing out. It had been a long time since he had one of those thoughts, and it wasn't as upsetting as it was annoying. 

Espio noticed this behavior, or lack of, and walked closer to Shadow. Was there something he didn't understand? The instructions were as simple as possible. Or maybe he wanted to ask for help, but couldn't, for whatever reason. He was no one to judge, if he didn't know how to use a knife.

"What's the matter? Do you need help?"

Acting as if he wasn't just having the most gruesome and disgusting mental images seconds ago, Shadow blurted out the first response that came to mind, which happened to be a lie. "...yes."

This caused Espio's expression to soften. It was good to admit to oneself and to others when there was a problem so it would be easier to overcome, even if in this case it was something like cutting vegetables. He proceeded to place himself behind Shadow, and before the shaken hedgehog could react, he had placed his right hand on top of his, specifically the one he was using to hold the knife. 

Guiding his hand with his own, he started to precisely cut the carrot in several pieces, all the same size, just in mere seconds. It was genuinely impressive, or at least to Shadow, it was. He continued to watch as he repeated the process with the rest. 

Espio realized he had gotten carried away with the demonstration and backed off, letting go of Shadow's hand. He was supposed to show him how it was done, not do everything for him! He wasn't being a very good teacher.

"Well… that's how you do it." he said, rubbing the back of his neck in embarrassment. Shadow directed a confused look at him, and could have sworn Espio was now a light shade of pink. He remembered chameleons can change color; he wasn't just seeing things. "That's all for now, I'll take care of the rest." 

Shadow frowned slightly. He couldn't tell if Espio was being genuine, or if that was his way of telling him to get out. Either way, he didn't want to be an inconvenience, so he went downstairs with the intention of returning to his room. Vector and Charmy were sitting on the couches in the living room, and they were playing some kind of card game. He tried to slip past them, trying not to get their attention, but both of them noticed his presence right away.

"Hey, Shadow! Wanna join us?" Vector asked with a smile, and Charmy added, "We're playing UNO!"

Not knowing what UNO was and not caring enough to ask about it, Shadow waved his hand. "No, thanks."

"Aww… maybe some other time?" Charmy said, but next thing he knew, Shadow was already gone. 

Disappointed, he let out a sigh. Vector sat next to him, and ran one of his hands across Charmy's head. "Don't sweat it, little buddy. He'll come around eventually."

"But we were doing so well before! I just don't get it…" he exclaimed, and crossed his arms over his chest in frustration. "He didn't tell me to shut up, not even once.."

Even though he wasn't the kind to pry, Shadow remained still with his ear against the door of his room, listening carefully to the conversation. He had to ask himself why he was doing that. 

"You know how he is… just give him time, okay? He's going through a hard time." Vector lowered his voice, but Shadow managed to hear him nonetheless.

"O-okay…" Charmy responded, lacking his usual enthusiasm. He sounded upset.

Then Vector spoke again. "Won't you look at that, it's dinner time! You should go tell Shadow!"

His heart almost jumped out of his chest at the mention of his name. He violently moved away from the door, causing him to trip and fall on his back. Before he could get up, he heard Charmy's voice coming from the other side.

"Um, Shadow? Are you there? Dinner is ready!" he announced, and a prolonged silence followed. 

The sound of Vector's heavy footsteps walking upstairs made Shadow feel an instant wave of relief, and instead of leaving the safety of his room right away, he crawled and rested his back against the door. He wanted to be alone; no, in fact, he needed it after what he had just heard. 

\---

"Carrot soup? Ew!" Charmy whined, sticking out his tongue and pushing his plate away. "Gross."

Espio let out a sigh, not surprised in the slightest. Charmy had the bad habit of refusing to eat food even when he had never tried it before, just like most kids.  
Vector, on the other hand, couldn't be happier. "Hey, I'll gladly take yours if you don't want it." 

"No, you won't." Espio interrupted, then added nonchalantly, "and that's a pity, because Shadow worked hard on preparing it."

This statement successfully caught Charmy's attention, as he intended, and it made Vector spit out the soup he was meaning to swallow. "Shadow made this?!"

Espio looked at him with an expression of displeasure after such a disgusting reaction. "Yes… he helped me. I consider it disrespectful to let his effort go to waste."

Without hesitation, Charmy started to eat with some kind of enthusiasm his teammates had never seen before. Vector joined him with the same energy, and they both asked for seconds as soon as they finished. And while Espio was happy to serve them another round, he felt disappointed when looking at the empty chair where Shadow was supposed to be sitting on.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and now i bring you what i call The Shadow and Espio Bonding Chapter

When Shadow opened his eyes, the first thing he saw was the ceiling. He sat on the edge of the bed, trying to regulate his breathing. He had another nightmare.

The funny part was, he couldn't remember a thing from it, just the persistent, lingering feeling of fear he experienced before waking up. Now he had two options: going back to sleep, which would most likely result in more unpleasant dreams, or staying awake. He was already familiar with the latter.

The hedgehog rubbed his eyes and got up from his bed. Careful not to make any loud sound that could wake up the others, Shadow went out through the back door. He climbed to the roof without much difficulty, where he had a perfect view of the dark, starry sky. The night had always been lonely and melancholic, but looking at the stars gave him a sense of familiarity. Shadow enjoyed loneliness, especially after being around people for too long. But for some reason, the last thing he wanted in that moment was to be alone.

The only thing he could hear was the sound of silence: crickets singing, fishes swimming in the pond, the cool but gentle breeze of the night. Everything was peaceful… in order. He closed his eyes and inhaled through his nose, feeling the rise and fall of his chest. Nothing was happening, he wasn't in danger, the dream wasn't real, but somehow… his heart was racing.

"May I join you?"

Surprised and startled, Shadow opened his eyes again and slowly turned around to face whoever was behind him. He recognized the voice, but confirmed that it was Espio when he saw him standing there. 

The chameleon walked next to him and sat down, crossing his legs. "I see you found my thinking place." 

"I'll leave." Shadow simply said, not wanting to make the other uncomfortable by invading his space. He got up with the intention of going back inside, but he was stopped by Espio. He extended his hand towards him as if he were going to grab his arm, without actually touching him.

"No, it's fine. You can stay if you want to."

Shadow turned to face Espio. Their eyes met for a moment, probably a few seconds, but it felt like an eternity for both of them. Shadow looked away first; for some reason, when people looked at him in the eyes… it made him feel vulnerable. 

Both of them remained in silence. Shadow felt like he had to say something, so Espio would stay there at least for awhile. He couldn't stand the idea of laying awake in his bed, with no one to distract him from his own thoughts. He was convinced that all those painful memories would torture him again if he went back to his room, even though it was completely irrational. 

"Something bothers you. May I ask what it is?" 

Espio's voice was soft, comforting even. But Shadow was so tense, the question still caught him off guard. "What?"

Was Espio, by any chance, able to sense the emotions of others? Or was he being too transparent about his own anxiety? Either way, this was a burden he had to carry alone; it served him as a punishment, and Espio probably had his own problems to deal with. Besides, he was handling things by himself just fine.

"I apologize If I'm being intrusive, but… I can tell you're troubled." Espio continued to speak as he stared at the sky, to prevent their gazes from meeting so he wouldn't upset the hedgehog any further. The genuine tone of concern in his voice made Shadow's chest ache, knowing very well that he was undeserving of his sympathy. 

He was so misguided. Espio wouldn't be talking to him in the first place if he knew who he was, what he was responsible for. And the thought alone terrified him… which meant he was starting to get attached. They both made mistakes.

Resigned, Shadow hugged his legs and looked at Espio from the corner of his eye. The moonlight softly illuminated his face, and he looked so calm… 

"I… had a nightmare." Shadow admitted reluctantly; it wasn't a lie, and he didn't need to delve into details. "But it doesn't matter now."

His voice sounded more hostile than he intended to. Most likely because of the lack of use, but it's not like he could take it back. Espio looked back at him, and Shadow felt like his heart skipped a beat.

"I understand, if you don't want to talk about it. But you shouldn't say that about something that's clearly upsetting you."

Shadow was about to say something to contradict him, but cut himself off when Espio continued. "It's important to have respect for yourself." he said, almost wistfully. 

Respect… for yourself. Those words resonated in his ears for a moment. 

Clenching his fists in frustration, Shadow could only act on impulse. "How could I ever respect myself?" he exclaimed, shifting his position to completely face the other. Upon realizing what he had done, he lowered his head and went quiet, but the fire in his chest hadn't extinguished just yet. 

"I… don't…" he trailed off, his breathing becoming agitated, his hands starting to shake. "I can't." 

"Shadow…" Espio muttered, and got closer to the hedgehog to put a hand on his shoulder. This caused him to look up at the other in surprise, and once again, their eyes met. It sent shivers down his spine, but this time, he was frozen in place and it prevented him from looking away. 

"It's okay." he said, and those two words alone were enough to make Shadow feel a pit of emptiness inside him. But he didn't allow himself to cry, no matter how overwhelming the feeling, except for a single tear that managed to escape his eye. And without thinking too much about it, he let his head fall not so gracefully on Espio's shoulder, his body going limp.

This took the chameleon by surprise, but he immediately put his arms around Shadow for support so he wouldn't learn forward. "I never said it would be easy, but…" he continued, "it seems to me that many of your attributes are worthy of respect."

Every act of kindness, every praise he received, sent Shadow into a pure state of regret. He tricked himself into believing he was good, and he was doing the same thing with everyone around him as well. He quickly wiped his eyes with his forearm, hoping not to bring attention to his face, but Espio was incapable of looking at anything else in that moment. 

How Shadow was able to think so lowly of himself, it was a mystery to him. There were plenty of good things about him, like his courage, or his willingness to help others. How could he think those traits were anything but admirable?

Maybe what he needed in that moment was to rest, and he would surely feel better in the morning. He was starting to feel heavier in his arms. "Do you want to go back inside?" Espio asked, almost in a whisper. 

Shadow blinked slowly, and took a moment to respond. "...no."

The lack of sleep was starting to take effect on him, he thought. Knowing himself, he was going to regret acting in such a foolish way when he went back to having a clearer state of mind. But at the moment… he didn't care. And Espio didn't seem to mind either.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the next chapter is happier so... bear with me here


End file.
